decades more of things sucking

things have sucked for a long time and they continue to suck. last night i had another freakout, where i decide that i can no longer continue tolerating things sucking as they do, that i can't go on through decades more of the same bullshit. decades more of things sucking, and also decades more of the same mediocre things: thousands and thousands of hours spent paying bills, driving to and from work, taking showers, stirring fake powdered creamer into my coffee, locking the car doors, ripping toilet paper off the roll, stapling things together, getting dressed, digging for my keys in my purse, blowing my nose, pouring advil out of the super-sized container and usually spilling half a dozen on the floor, washing my hair, ripping the perforated sides off of my paycheck, taking my car to have its oil changed, going up and down the stairs, lying in bed every night for hours but not sleeping... yes, i know these are priveleged things to complain about, as so many poor souls have no advil to spill all over the floor, and no keys and no purse to take them out of, but sometimes i get so bogged down by the percentage of our lives that is filled with absolutely mindless crap, that every day it's hours of mindless crap, and by the time we get to the few minutes or hours we have that we can spend for ourselves, we either think of more mindless crap we have to do, or we're so exhausted from all the mindless crap we've already done we don't have the energy to pursue anything worthwhile or rewarding.

and so as i was saying yesterday, i have all the responsibilities of being an adult, but none of the perks. i still slog through every full-time workday, and come home to the condominium i have lived in and hated all my life, which is also inhabited by my parents. so no matter what i do i heard the music of my dad's tv on full blast, and smell the smoke wafting out of his putrid cigars, and listen to him swear and yell and yawn as loudly as possible, stomp back and forth to the kitchen, calling the cat a dumb prick. ha!