every day is exactly the same

it's not fair. i accidentally navigated away from this page and everything went kaput. it all sucks so bad. i would be screaming right now if i weren't at work.

to paraphrase what i said before:
ha ha, it's funny that i still have a blog, blogs are epically navel-gazing and self-promoting. how exciting is your life, really, if you have time to take photos of and otherwise document every single thing you do, and then post it on the internet? yet people can't resist hearing what other people think, and particularly what other people think about them. question: would there still be blogs if there was no built-in way to comment? i doubt it in the extreme.

then i said:
my mother and i saw this amazing bird the other week. it was poking around under a bush and looked like a m-fing kiwi, except that we live in the northeast u.s., and not new zealand. turned out it was a woodcock. it has a long skinny beak for foraging for earthworms on the forest floor. it's very shy and isn't often seen by people except during its mating season, when it does a special dance. it was a strange orangey color, and it froze like a deer in the headlights and then took off when you got near it, although we managed to follow it to two places before it flew off into the woods. my mother saw it again one other time. then this morning she saw it a third time-- it was dead in the driveway to the condominium garage. she couldn't bury it because the ground was frozen, so she had to wrap it up and put it in the dumpster. there's some kind of horrible metaphor in all this-- like as soon as you notice something beautiful and strange, it dies.

to continue, then i started making a list, entitled: Things I Do Every Day That Depress Me Because I Do Them Every Day and They Remind Me of How Much Today Is Exactly Like Yesterday:

[theme song for this list is, "Every Day is Exactly the Same," a nine inch nails song i recently discovered. good old Trent. i wonder what happened with him, he's lost a lot of his fire. i wonder if he got married or is just totally exhausted with life, instead of crazy-mad at it. i'll have to research that...]

on with the list...
* Hauling myself out of bed
* Standing in front of the closet, staring at my clothes, as i figure out something to wear
* Put assorted dirty dishes in the sink, and see the pile of dirty dishes that is already in there
* Figure out where i put my coat, and put it on, looking at it and thinking how it's too old and kind of grody looking, and how i need to get a new one, and should i hold onto it until next year, which means i have to get it dry cleaned for like $30 when its already sort of beyond salvaging
* Listening to the radio in the car, and hearing the same commercials and same horrible songs. There is a radio show that i like, but there is so much crap and so little talk. then i think about putting on my ipod, but i hate almost all the songs on my ipod, and then that would make me depressed in itself
* Throwing my crap in the drawer of my desk. i usually use this particular leather purse, which has sort of a stiff handle that gets caught in the drawer when i try to close it every. single. day.
* Hanging up my grody coat in the closet
* Emptying my Junk Email folder of the constant stream of spam that fills it over and over again all day long
* Driving home from work and going down this particular street that has innumerable manhole covers, which i usually am unable to avoid, which makes me think about my tires, and how my tires probably need air in them, and is the rear passenger side tire leaking, because it's usually about 4 pounds lighter than the other 3 tires
* Changing out of my work clothes. In particular, taking off my trouser socks, and re-arranging my pants so that the creases are on the sides so i can clip them back on the hanger and hang them in the closet
* Brushing my teeth. it. is. so. boring.
* Thinking about flossing and feeling guilty if i don't.
* Getting into bed and turning over onto my right side, in my usual beginning sleeping position. that one is the worst, because it signals the end of one day of this and the beginning of another one, endlessly bleeding together into eternity.

in conclusion: Type A personality much? Anxious much? Obsessive-compulsive much? yes, yes, and yes to those!